I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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