so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
