At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
