You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
