Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
