I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
