spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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