my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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