She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
