i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
