So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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