I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
