whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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