I wanna bring you to show and tell
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
