im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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