Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize