i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
