I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
