he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
