At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize