Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
