a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
