I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
why is half of my head shaved?
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