Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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