Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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