I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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