He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize