He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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