carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
