Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she told me i tasted like america
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
