before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
