I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
