It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
