You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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