She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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