Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize