why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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