I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
