dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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