I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
