i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He felt like a one man threesome
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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