They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
