brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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