quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
