just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize