I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
