I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
