Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
