those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
