Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
