he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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