Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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