yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
