Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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