so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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