We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize