ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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