textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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