Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
