you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
