I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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