i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
