Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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