Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
