The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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