Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
