I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
