This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I would fuck him just for his dog
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize