everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
