I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
