Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
