just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
