This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
