Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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