I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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