Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
