Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
