Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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