Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
