i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
