I wish I only lived at night.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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