so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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